It’s understandable that discussing or disclosing that you may have a sexual interest in minors feels unsafe and brings about feelings of shame. We are, after all, talking about expressing sexual interest that naturally provokes concern and, if acted on, results in abuse.
Difficult though it may be to discuss, addressing this issue is critically important. It allows people to be proactive in ensuring the safety of both minors and of someone struggling with a sexual interest in minors. When addressed early, learning how to manage a sexual interest in minors can prevent abuse, prevent involvement in the criminal justice system, and allow more people to live happy and healthy lives. Too often, these issues are only addressed after abuse has occurred, but with early intervention, we can achieve better outcomes for everyone.
Sometimes, people may be concerned about a possible sexual interest in minors, but may not be sure it’s there. In this post, we’re going to take a closer look at the following question: “How do I know if I’m attracted to minors, and what resources are available for me?” Whether you are seeking the answer and information about this subject for yourself, or you’re concerned about the safety and well-being of a loved one or a minor, our team at Eagle Landing Psychological Services is here to help.
We understand that the subject of sexual attraction to minors naturally provokes strong emotions. This article is not written in the interest of passing judgment or blame.
At Eagle Landing Psychological Services, our only interest is in helping people build better, safer futures for themselves and others by preventing sexual abuse. We believe that people who have a sexual interest in minors are not beyond help, and we believe that they can live happy and healthy lives without acting on their attractions. In fact, many do, and some people who struggle with a sexual attraction to minors never go on to abuse a child.
Sometimes, professional assistance can make that easier, especially when someone is concerned about what they or another might do.
How Do I Know If I’m Attracted to Minors?
There are a number of common experiences and features associated with a sexual attraction to minors. People who experience a sexual attraction to minors most often become aware of their attraction during their teenage years. Sometimes, they notice that their sexual attraction is not moving along chronologically with their own age in the way it is for their friends. Or, they might notice that while they continue to be sexually attracted to people their own age, they also still have a sexual attraction to much younger minors that has not changed as they’ve gotten older. The available research evidence indicates that a sexual attraction to minors is stable over time; that is, it is not a “phase” that someone typically grows out of. Below are several indicators of a possible sexual interest in minors.
Please Note: This list is not a diagnostic tool; this article is not a substitute for a comprehensive assessment by a qualified professional. Diagnoses related to a sexual interest in minors can only be made by qualified professionals after a comprehensive assessment. Further, the presence or absence of any one of these indicators is not itself able to confirm or rule out a sexual interest in minors.
Sexual Thoughts and Fantasies Involving Minors
The things we fantasize about sexually are often a reflection of our sexual interests. If you often find yourself fantasizing about minors, this may be an indication of a sexual attraction to minors, particularly if you find these fantasies highly arousing. Many people with a sexual attraction to minors report that their sexual fantasies about minors are often more arousing to them than their fantasies about appropriately-aged adults. However, it is also common for people that have a sexual interest in minors to also experience sexual attraction to, and sexual fantasies about, adults.
A Sexual Attraction to Signs of Physical and Emotional Immaturity
People with a sexual attraction to minors often report having a particular sexual interest in aspects of the human body before they are fully developed, or as they are just beginning to develop. This includes things like a strong preference for an absence of breast development (or the early stages of breast development), a lack of body hair, a very small frame, a narrow waist with narrow hips, narrow shoulders, and a small bottom. Some people with this attraction also report preferring certain features that reflect emotional immaturity, such as perceived innocence, naivete, childishness, unsophistication, simplicity, disinhibition, and curiosity.
Viewing Child Sexual Exploitation Material (CSEM) or Other Images of Children
Much as our sexual fantasies often reflect our sexual interests, the types of sexual material we choose to view also often reflects our sexual interests. Repeated viewing of CSEM, consuming sexualized stories involving children, or repeatedly viewing certain other kinds of images of minors (for example, child modeling photos, pictures of minors in swimsuits, etc.) is often an indicator of a sexual attraction to minors. It is critical to remember that viewing CSEM and sharing sexualized stories featuring minors is illegal in Canada, and carries harsh penalties.
Taking a Special Interest in Minors
Some people that experience a sexual attraction to minors take a special interest in minors and minor-related things. Sometimes, people with this attraction report feeling like a “child at heart,” and feel more comfortable around children than they do around people their own age. They might spend a lot of their own time engaging with activities, media, or pursuits that seem childish in nature, and may report relating better to children than to adults. They might prefer to spend time online in communities where minors gather, preferring to socialize with minors rather than with adults.
Experiencing a Romantic Interest in Minors
Some people with a sexual attraction to minors also report feeling a romantic attraction to minors in addition to a sexual attraction. They sometimes imagine having an intimate, emotionally close relationship with a minor, much like how someone who is attracted to adults might imagine going on a date with another adult they find attractive. Some people with a sexual interest in minors report feeling that adult relationships seem intimidating, and instead fantasize about seeking a relationship with a minor.
Seeking Proximity to Minors and Pushing Boundaries
People with a sexual interest in minors may seek opportunities to be around minors. Sometimes this is done in order to find opportunities for sexual contact with minors, or to gratify emotional or romantic desires related to minors. This might include volunteering for activities that put someone in contact with minors, seeking out opportunities to have unsupervised time with minors, or going to online spaces where they think minors might be. When someone is sexually attracted to minors and seeks out opportunities to be around them, this is a serious concern.
People with a sexual attraction to minors may also feel tempted to push boundaries with minors. This might include violating a minor’s personal space, engaging in various forms of physical touch, discussing certain inappropriate topics with minors, making inappropriate jokes with minors, showing inappropriate kinds of media to minors, asking inappropriate questions to minors, giving gifts to minors, making minors feel guilty if they push back against the violation of their boundaries, or asking minors to keep secrets. When someone is engaging in boundary violations with minors, this is also a serious concern.
Note: If you are wanting more information about other kinds of problematic sexual behaviour, we encourage you to read our article: “How Do I Know When Sexual Behaviour is Problematic?”
The Importance of Early Intervention
Asking the question “Am I attracted to minors?” is, in and of itself, an act of early intervention and a good starting point for addressing this concern.. Acting early to get support in managing a sexual interest in minors is important for promoting safety in our communities and for helping people live fulfilling lives free from abuse or offending.
What Resources are Available for Me?
If you believe that you or a loved one may experience a sexual attraction to minors, and particularly if you are concerned about the possibility of acting on that interest, support is available. Below are some resources that may be of assistance.
Talking for Change: Talking for Change is a Canadian child sexual abuse prevention program in collaboration with the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) that operates an anonymous online chatline and a phone hotline for those concerned about their sexual attraction to minors and who want support. Talking for Change also offers psychological assessment and treatment services for individuals concerned about their sexual interest in minors, and this is available to residents of several provinces across Canada.
Help Wanted: Help Wanted is a self-paced online course that aims to help people with a sexual interest in minors manage their attraction without acting on it. It was developed by experts at the MOORE Centre for Preventing Child Sexual Abuse at Johns Hopkins University.
Troubled Desire: Troubled Desire is an online self-help program for individuals with a sexual attraction to minors. Like Help Wanted, its aim is to support these individuals in remaining offence-free. Troubled Desire was developed by experts at the Institute of Sexology and Sexual Medicine (IfSS) at Charité – Universitätsmedizin Berlin.
The Canadian Centre for Child Protection: The CCCP is an organization in Canada dedicated to promoting the protection of children from sexual abuse, online and off. It contains numerous resources, reports, programs, and initiatives aimed at education, support, and abuse prevention.
How Can Eagle Landing Psychological Services Help Me?
The best way to address child sexual abuse is to prevent it from happening in the first place. This promotes a better, safer future for everyone in our communities, including those who are sexually attracted to minors.
At Eagle Landing Psychological Services, we provide services aimed at helping people better understand their possible sexual attraction to minors, as well as develop the tools to effectively manage that interest without offending. To that end, we provide both psychological assessment and psychological treatment services to individuals with a sexual attraction to minors who wish to remain offence-free. Several of our clinicians also work with individuals referred to us by Talking for Change.
For anyone wanting further information about how Eagle Landing Psychological Services can help, you can reach out to us below.
