In today’s world where digital access is everywhere, pornography is especially easy to find, which has led to more people consuming it and, for many, developing compulsive use. This can negatively impact an individual’s relationships and self-worth, and come as a financial cost.
If you think someone you care about might be dealing with compulsive sexual behaviour, you might be feeling uncertain about what to do next. That’s why we created this guide to help you learn how to help someone with compulsive sexual behaviour. To truly help, it’s important to understand what defines compulsive sexual behaviour, signs and symptoms to look for, and how it can affect relationships.
What is the Definition of Compulsive Sexual Behaviour?
Compulsive sexual behaviour, often referred to as compulsive pornography use or problematic sexual behaviour, is defined by a person’s inability to manage their pornography consumption, even when it leads to negative outcomes in their personal or work life. It can disrupt daily routines, affect relationships, and harm overall health.
This behaviour usually comes with feelings of shame and a strong urge to keep it hidden. Many who struggle with compulsive sexual behaviour find it hard to resist the overwhelming urge to watch porn, which can lead to ignoring responsibilities and causing major issues in familial and romantic relationships.
Recognizing the Signs of Compulsive Sexual Behaviour
By knowing what compulsive sexual behaviour looks like, you’ll be able to tell when it’s time to step in and have a discussion. Signs include:
Preoccupation: Spending way too much time watching porn, often at the expense of other important activities.
Escalation: A growing need for more extreme or new content to feel the same level of satisfaction.
Negative Impact: Issues in personal relationships, work, or self-esteem due to compulsive porn use.
Failed Attempts to Stop: Trying multiple times to cut back or quit without any success.
Loss of control: They have cravings that are so strong they can’t stop or cut back on their compulsive pornography use.
Limited interests: They ignore other parts of their life because they spend so much time feeding their compulsion.
Increased risks: They continue the behaviour even though they know it’s causing harm.
Note that not everyone with compulsive sexual behaviour is discreet about it. They might leave magazines lying around on tables and couches, and their computers could have pornography sites left in their browser or videos accessible through the television.
On the other hand, others with compulsive sexual behaviour are quite secretive about their actions. For many, these materials are intimately associated with masturbation, and they may only partake in these behaviours when they are alone. The most noticeable symptom could be their absence.
First Steps to Helping Someone with Compulsive Sexual Behaviour
Life can be quite challenging for anyone dealing with compulsive pornography use. For those with compulsive sexual behaviour, feelings of isolation can be particularly intense. By following these steps, you can provide meaningful support for the person affected.
Observe Their Actions & Identify the Signs
Understand that many individuals with compulsive sexual behaviour experience deep shame. The more intense these feelings are, the greater the likelihood of depression. To figure out if someone is dealing with compulsive sexual behaviour, you might need to play detective.
You may observe increased spending, such as expenses related to renting pornographic videos, subscribing to online chats, or purchasing magazines. If you share a bank account with this individual, it will be easier to identify these issues.
They might turn down social invites to spend more time with porn. Every time you invite them somewhere, they could say no. Instead, they might prefer to be alone in their bedroom or bathroom.
Pinpoint the Effects
Individuals with compulsive sexual behaviour often find it most harmful when it affects their relationships. They may have less desire to be sexually intimate and you may feel like they are pulling away emotionally. This behaviour can lead to a cycle of entering and exiting relationships.
You might also see this person losing jobs because they’re late to work due to porn. They might mention getting in trouble at work for being distracted. They could even be using porn while on the job.
Additionally, they may confide in you about feeling depressed or having a poor mental state. Even if their feelings don’t cost them a job or a relationship, they can still make life quite challenging.
Reflect carefully on how compulsive pornography use is affecting this individual’s life. Make notes and keep them; they will be useful later.
Engage in a Positive Dialogue
Keep in mind that dealing with compulsive sexual behaviour often brings a lot of shame. Your role isn’t to pile on to those negative emotions. Many individuals turn to more porn as a way to cope. If you point fingers, it’ll only exacerbate their struggles.
Ideally, your discussion should come from a foundation of compassion and understanding. Aim to help the person recognize the issue clearly and show them how life can improve if they seek help and work on changing their habits.
Explore Treatment Options
Those with compulsive sexual behaviour might not be aware that support is out there. You can research treatment options available in your vicinity, focusing your search on programs that cater to behaviours, particularly those related to porn. Take notes on these programs and collect brochures to share with them.
Suggestions for Discussing Porn Addiction
Once you’ve prepared yourself, you’re set to engage in a conversation about the issues at hand and the potential solutions.
Start the discussion using person-first language. Avoid using labels. Instead, frame the behaviour as a separate issue.
You’ve probably done this before. If your friend had a cold, you wouldn’t label them as a “cold person.” You’d refer to them as “someone with a cold.” Apply the same approach to compulsive sexual behaviour.
You might share the signs you’ve noticed and the effects of their behaviours. You could also discuss the treatment options you’ve learned about. Additionally, you can offer your support in their journey to recovery.
Here are some helpful tips for your conversation:
- Ask them what kind of support would help them make changes in their life. Let them express what they need from you.
- Acknowledge the good things about them. Remind them that you believe they can improve.
- Paint a picture of what their future could look like with the right help.
- Stay optimistic about their recovery. Be there for them as they take those initial steps toward seeking help.
If this conversation goes well, they might just be on their way to recovery. And you played a part in that.
Seeking Treatment
Should your friend or loved one decide to pursue professional assistance for compulsive sexual behaviour, you can share this blog post with them so they know professional guidance is available. Eagle Landing Psychological Services offers treatments for compulsive sexual behaviour, within a private and judgment-free environment. If you or someone you know with compulsive sexual behaviour is seeking professional guidance, schedule a consultation with us today.
